What will happen next?

There.
Somehow, I've said what's been bothering me like hell.

But what will happen?
Would that change your mind?
I hope only for the best.

Cross your fingers for me.
God, stay with me, always.

This is absolutely terrible. Really terrible.
God, what should I do?

Frankly, I was just over from those depressing days of confusion and pain when i realized that yeah, I had moved on from the blues but still, I am to face another bomb- my Mom's departure.

Actually, she hasn't fully said that she's going back to that far placebut I can tell that one moment, she and my brother and sister could be gone.

Since my Mom came home, I started to be attached to her. I don't know why. Perhaps, I just missed her so bad and I wanted to be with her. I don't want her to go. Absolutely no.

The mere thought and those "unavoidable hints" that she's going send hurtful stabs on my heart. I couldn't help but feel lonely. And I wonder, how would I handle when she's gone?
Part of me has started formulating mushy but sincere lines to say to her and stop her from going. but when I try, there are voices in the background, telling me that I'm selfish. On the other hand, every time I decide to just accept the whole thing, there are still voices. This time telling me that I, too, deserve to be with my mother and be happy.

Now, tell me. What should I do?

When you think about it, I'm in a middle of a total dilemma.
Two situations that are so difficult, Both are tearing me apart.
That is why, I guess, in a time like this, i have every right to cry, be sad, be mad- all at the same time.

At the moment, I knew that chances of stopping her from leaving are so slim. But at the back of my mind, there is a little hope that she'll stay. At the moment too, my Mom and I are happy. knowing we love each other and thankful that we've seen each other. My relationship with my brother and sister are absolutely going smoothly. I am happy. But until when?

I wish I can stop the time or close the airport so they can't go. I wish our good times won't end. I wish all the happy moments would last.

Bittersweet.
Why does it have to be like this?

Been lost from the "blog world" for a couple of days but after sleepless nights, I realized that what's the point of having a blog when I'm not totally true to it?

Been feeling lost and lonely on and off but God is holding me strong enough that's why, somehow, I can still say, "I can make it."

It's okay to cry.
Time will come and i know, everything will be fine.
Be with me always.