Rewind.

May 25
Happy Birthday, Anna!!

Happy 18th birthday to my dearest friend who has always been there all through out.First day of college classes. Traumatic Math experiences. Isaw and pizza feasting. Endless walkathons. 1s and almost 3 grades. Ikot and Toki jeepney rides. Parents blues. Boy problems. My entire UP life.

Now that you are 18, I wish for nothing but may you achieve your heart s greatest desires.May you always be happy because you deserve to be.
I am always here for you, Gandhi.Cheers for forever friendship.
I love you!

May 30
Where's the damn good in goodbye?

The saddest word is still goodbye.
Nothing could be more painful than saying goodbye to people you love the most -especially when you dont want to.

My mother and I s situation isnt new to me. It has been like that for so long. What? 17 years. She will come home to visit with my brother and sister for two weeks or so and they will be gone again. All my life I just dealt with that kind of process. Like I have a choice, right? I mean, that is reality.

However, time came when I realized that it has been too long that we are together the on and off style. It came to me that Im so sick from being away from my family and there is nothing that I wanted more than to be with them. Yes, I wanted my mother and siblings on my side. For good this time.

This is a major decision—knowing that there are sacrifices to be done here and there and it is gonna be a big change. But I never seem to mind. Like I have said, Im ready. It is time.

But what the heck. I cant fully understand why things cant work out our way. How come we cant be together today? How come I have to wait again?

It broke my heart that my Mom still had to go. It broke my heart to be away from her again and my siblings when I practically attached my self to them. It broke my heart that I had hopes that are just wasted.

At first I felt like giving up. Who would want to wait in vain? Parati na lang ganon. I dont want to hold on to something temporary. I almost close the doors. I almost end everything.
My mother, on the other hand became miserable. Who wouldnt be when you see that your daughter is actually slipping away from you? She is actually incapable of thinking what the right thing to do. We werent speaking for days. We were actually refusing to face the sickening truth—we have to say goodbye.

I thought I could just get over with it. But I was wrong. I may have been stubborn for a while but I cant stand to see my Mom pained.

I guess I just love her and my siblings so much that, Im still the one who will end up letting go. It has been one of the most difficult things I have done. I thanked God, my relatives and friends for helping me do that decision.

So, here I am, bound to be left alone again.
Though I dont want to, Perhaps I need to.

There are things that sometimes you think that you will never do,But at the end you must do because you love.